Found your perfect lover in time for Valentine’s Day? According to Melissa Ambrosini, the hard work doesn’t end there! We turned to our favourite love and life expert for advice on how to spice things up year round.

There is a misconception that once you meet your soul mate it will be all rainbows, unicorns and butterflies, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, when you met your ‘one’ the real work only just begins. Because when you enter a conscious partnership with your one, there is nowhere to hide. They call you to rise! They reflect back to you things that need to be looked at as they are your biggest spiritual assignments. All relationships are.

If you want to serve your partner — and be an epic, wholehearted lover — here are my top ‘lessons learned’ to evolve and strengthen your relationship so you can become an epic lover.

Support Them

Take interest in their passions and work. Ask how you can help and if there is anything you can do to support them furthering their dreams — and engage them in supporting yours. This doesn’t mean you have to pretend to like football, wear the jersey of his favorite team, down beers and scoff Doritos. Simply listening (with both ears) to your partner talk about how much he loves football and how his favorite team just won the grand final can really make their day. Just as trusting them to care about your passions gives them room to return the favour.

Be The Partner YOU Desire

It’s very easy to sit back and demand our partner to show up a certain way, pleasure us a certain way, and make us feel like a queen. But why can’t we be the ones who show up first?

Be the partner YOU desire instead of waiting for them to take the lead. YOU show up first!

Decide To Rise

I’ll be the first to admit that there are times when I act like a three-year-old and chuck an Oscar-worthy temper tantrum. But really, is that serving anyone?! The answer is a big fat NO! Make the choice to rise above the moods and pettiness that affect us all sometimes.

Your Lover Is Your Lover

Your lover is not primarily your consoler, coach, hairdresser, personal trainer, bestie, spiritual healer, fashion stylist, yoga buddy, accountant, business adviser or (metaphorically speaking) your punching bag. Sure, he might actually be a personal trainer and train you three times a week, but first and foremost he is your lover, so treat him that way. Let him sit in his zone of genius and be your lover. Your relationship will be way better for it.

Perform Random Acts Of Kindness

There are so many things you can do to keep the magic alive each day. For example, leave love notes around the house or slip them in his bag before you leave for work, book in a ‘date night’ once a week, send some cute (or sexy) text messages to him throughout the day, give him a full-body massage, run him an Epsom salts bath after a long day at work, make him his favourite meal, or pop a pair of your sexy underwear in his work bag or lunch box… that’ll be sure to get him smiling!


Image Credit – Tumblr

Be Their Lover, Not Their Mum

Neither you nor your partner wants to be bossed around and told what to do. So not sexy! Of course, if they aren’t pulling their weight around the house an open conversation may need to be had and vice versa, but remember there is nothing sexy about being yelled at and ordered around.

Be A Team Player

The two of you are a team. And you are on the same side, not opposing sides. (I think sometimes we forget this.) That means there is no point keeping score (i.e. ‘I took the rubbish out, so I get to put my feet up.’ Bitter tally-keeping will not do either of you any good. You’re on the same team, so help each other out!

Make Time

We are all full (I don’t use the word ‘busy’) and we all have to-do lists and inboxes that seem to never end, but if you don’t make the time to ‘water’ your relationship, it will not grow. You have to make it a priority, just like you would with exercise or a work deadline. Schedule your ‘lovers time’ in your calendar and stick to it. Otherwise you are just roommates who occasionally have sex or ‘rub genitals’, as author David Deida would say. A strong relationship requires time and nurturing.

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Melissa Ambrosini

Melissa Ambrosini is the bestselling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl and Open Wide, host of the number one podcast The Melissa Ambrosini Show, a speaker and self-love teacher. In her signature straight-talking style, Melissa teaches women how to unlock their full potential, master their inner Mean Girl, smash through limiting beliefs, and ditch the self-doubt so that they can start living the life of their dreams. Named a 'self-help guru' by Elle Magazine her mission is to inspire women to create a heart-centred life one that’s wildly wealthy, fabulously healthy and bursting with love.